Protect your investment?? or Protect your heart....

This blog is dedicated to a good friend of mines...hope you read this and find the strength to Keep it movin'.....


Why is it so hard to let go? Why is enough, never truly enough? Why do we continue to put our feelings on an emotional chopping block? Why do we continue to work for something that will never be?....If the answers to these questions were cut clear and to the point then we all would live happily ever after. Sadly, they are not, so we are left to find the best answers to these problems.
Humans are emotional beings. God created us to live for love in order to survive. Weather you choose to admit it or not, we all want companionship. We will fully invest our time and emotions in this pursuit of love. Once you have made this investment, you will do whatever you have to do to maintain it. You look at a person in a dysfunctional relationship and you ask, "Why does he/she continue to stay in this F'd up relationship?" The answer to this is simple. No one likes to feel as if they've wasted their time. When you've been in a relationship or even "talking" to someone for a while, its hard to give up on the situation when you feel as if you've invested so much time and energy into it. History makes people stay. History makes people feel as if they are obligated to endure disrespect, mistreatment, and even unhealthy situations. History also makes you capable and willing to put up with things that you wouldn't normally put up with. In your eyes, you have loved this person, fought with this person, and worked hard to maintain the situation in which you and this person has, so by no means will you let it go easily. Even if its not on a "love" level, you may have dedicated time (moments you could have been sleep, you were up either talking or texting this person), energy ( You may have went out of your way to do a few things for this person), and even money (Dates, lending money, gifts, gas money to go and visit he/she). All of these things are personal and emotional investments you made, and no one likes to see their investment go bad. These things create an attachment or bond between you and this individual that makes it hard for you to part ways with them.
Its also hard to let go when you've made sacrifices. When you sacrifice parts of yourself, when you've sacrificed your inner thoughts, when you've sacrificed your deepest secrets, when you've sacrificed parts of yourself that you wouldn't normally share with anyone, it makes it hard to let go. This is because you are not only letting this person go, but you are letting parts of yourself go as well.
I'll tell a personal story, since i like to use everybody else business as an example...lol...Some time ago I was dating this guy....I hate showing emotions because it makes me feel weak. I am the type that will keep up a wall by any means necessary because It takes ALOT for me to put myself out there like that. I was dating this guy for A WHILE and we fell out about something and he was pretty much ready to leave me the hell alone. So i revealed something about myself that I would NEVER tell anybody. I told him this because i felt that it was the root to this problem that we were having. After I told him this, i felt real weak, but I also felt closer to him. I had invested a HUGE part of myself in him, and he appreciated it because he could now understand the reason why i acted certain ways. After this I felt even more invested and I grew to like him even more, and i eventually let my wall down. Things eventually turned for the worse. He started cutting up! and like a dummy i stayed with my investment. I was THAT girl. People would ask, "why do you put up with that??" At the time i didn't know, all i knew is that I wanted to make it work. I wanted us to be happy.
I now realize that protecting your heart is WAAAAAAAY more crucial then protecting your investment. Protecting your integrity is SOOOOOO much more important than protecting your investment. Protecting your sanity is ALOT more important than protecting your investment. You can invest your all in a person, but at the end of the day if you have nothing for yourself it is so not worth it. You invest in a person with hopes that you will gain an increase. You may feel as if you will loose a lot by letting a person go, but i PROMISE you will gain even more by letting them go. We forget that life goes on. Take some time to restore yourself and gain everything that you've given back.
This is why you hear women pissed when its all said and done (busting windows out of cars, cutting people, burning clothes), because by nature we give, and we give big. There are no lengths that a women wont go through to make sure that a brother is held down. Ladies we all know, your man cant be out there bogus because they're representing you. When your man is looking and feeling good then you look and feel good as well. And i can personally say that there are some brothers out there like that as well. But when you do all of the above, its hard to let go. Or when and if you let go, it gonna be an epic event.
But as i said before, no investment is worth pain. It may be easier said than done, but you gotta keep it moving. Pick up what you have left and take time to regain what was lost. Never go looking for a rebound, or someone to give what he/she didn't get the chance to get, but go and regroup. You may even find someone who is willing to give you everything you gave that other person. And this blog is from my heart....hope this helps my friend, and everyone else tuning in. Let me know what you think!

DONT YOU- EVER- GET TOO- COMFORTABLE!

So...im up and cant go to sleep...so why not blog....right? lol. One of my co-workers told me that her and her bf had broken up today due to the fact that he just wasnt, "acting the same." So they've been official for a few months now and she claims that he just isnt doing the same things that he used to do. When they first started talking it seemed as if he showed much more of an interest in her, now it seems as if he shows an interest at his leisure. She used to get calls from him throughout the day, he would send her random cute little text messages to let her know he was thinking about her, and he would take her out frequently. However, as of late he has done a total 180. He'll go an entire day without contacting her in any way, and when he does, the conversations are brief or he says that hes getting some things together for work so he'll call her back. She went on to tell me that he even stopped doing things like opening car doors, and the other day when they went to the movies he walked in before her and let the door snap back and hit her in the chest....wow....lol. I asked her if she did anything to make him act this way or if his actions were intentional. She said no and that when she confronts him, he apologizes whole heartedly and has no recollection of doing these things.
Three words describe this situation....COMFORTABLE AS HELL! This doesn't just go for guys...although men have the greatest reputation for being such....but it goes for women as well. People get COMFORTABLE...plain and simple. At the beginning of any relationship, the person who is pursuing will always bring their "A Game." It is important to do all the things you should do, or need to do by any means necessary to get what you want, weather its a relationship, a kick it buddy, or just sex. Men in particular, as we all know, love the chase. And women, as we all know love to be chased. Once you have given the chase over to the chaser, the chasee has lost all power and the chaser will potentially loose interest. UNLESS....you find another game to play on another level. NOW...you may say, "Im not for playing games!"....well my lonely friend, wake up and realize that relationships are all about "games" and keeping some sort of game present in the relationship. In the olden days, the role of the chaser was indeed the man....and the role of the chasee was indeed the woman. However, somehow, someway the game has changed. Men must have had a national convention that us women didnt know about, to change the playing field. ATTENTION!! ATTENTION!!! LADIES!!!! MEN FOR SOME ODD REASON....LIKE TO BE CHASED!!!! I know...thats friggin weird, right??? However, as I told my heartbroken co-worker...its up to you to determine if you're gonna be the chaser...or the chasee.
People don't get comfortable when they have something to work for. There is no time to put your "A-Game" on the back burner when someone is always giving you something to pursue. My fellow relaxed co-worker got comfortable as well on her chasee game...which has cause the tables to turn, hence she is now the Chaser. It all depends on what role you wanna play. People get COMFORTABLE when they aren't active. Raise the stakes just a bit more to get the other person active; getting them out of that comfort zone. If that doesn't work, then maybe that person just isn't that into you. If you think the person you're with is COMFORTABLE...then ask yourself how you've contributed to this comfort level....and plan/act accordingly. You can either continue to play the game and love em...or leave em alone. I'll `leave you with a quote from Lil Wayne and my boy Face..."I'm not saying this to shake you up, im just saying this to wake you up. Its all good when we making love, all I ask is dont take our love for granted, cuz granted...my love for you is real. if you dont love me somebody else will, so baby girl/boy dont you ever get too COMFORTABLE."....And thats real.

Are you Paranoid, Crazy, or Justified???!..(for the professional ROBOCOPS)

So, todays issue has been long past due!! Why do we spend so much time and energy trying to catch up the person that we "messing with", your boyfriend/girlfriend, or even someone that you are just dating or talking to. I know either you have called someone or have gotten a call like this..." Hey. so did you go to the party tonight?? What time did_____ leave?? Did you see____ leave with ___??? Did it look like he/she was driving north or south on main street??? Cuz he/she live south and if he/she was driving North then imma be pissed!!!!" You ask about a million questions and no matter what answers you get you still have made up in your mind that this person is lying. You do things like wait until the person goes to the bathroom, or even sleep so that you can hurry up and browse through those text messages and call history. Now the call history is cool...unless its a female/males name and the call time is more than 8 mins...when you talkin for 10, it becomes a bit suspect..lol. And dont let the inbox messages be full, but there isnt any outbox messages...uh oh. then you get, "what the hell did you say to him/her that you couldnt keep in you're phone?" You come over the crib and start acting like Sherlock Holmes making sure that his/her sheets look regular and clean...but not too clean, cuz if they new sheets or been washed you start to wonder why?? lol...( I'm about to push a few peoples buttons here..) You do the garbage can inspection!!...lol.....the one where you're looking for too many condom wrappers..."Girl! we only used 2...why the hell was it 5 in his trash can!" lol....Or you fellahs start looking for clothes and hats that aint yours. You know if you see stuff like fitted caps, stud earrings, basket ball shorts, or wife beaters randomly in your girl wardrob that alarm goes off in your head...especially if it wasnt there the last time you was there.....(now....ive been a victim of this....got snapped because the dummy forgot I had a brother! lol....negro still aint believe me! I hope you reading this too you jerk!! ) ...whooo saaaaa...lol
But i give these scenerios to say that either you are paranoid, trippin, or your girl/guy aint shit and you need to realize it. I'll give my top reasons for why people act like this. # 1....you are crazy! Some people are just paranoid and think that everybody that they dealing with is out to be on some dog/unfaithful type stuff. You convince yourself that things are there that really arent there. You may have failed to realize that men dont take their trash out as often...so maybe all of those condom wrappers were ones that you guys used. He/she may have deleted their outbox because they send more outgoing messages than they recieve messages (honestly in my opinion, the outbox thing... is crap..lol...but maybe.), but due to the fact that every person before you was on dummy...you have your gaurds up expecting to catch this new person before they even have a chance to "play" you or "hurt" you.
#2....You have a voice inside you that is telling you that this person is no good...and you need to listen to it. If you are with someone and for some reason you always have a feeling like something is going on and its not due to the reasons listed in #1...then you need to follow those feelings. If you can never sleep when this person is over because their phone keeps ringing all night, or your waiting for the perfect opprotunity to snag their phone, then you dont need to be sleeping next to this person. Why waste energy trying to find things or catch this person up...when you already know the answers in your heart. Often times, God will give you an answer before you even have the chance to find it. Its ok to tell a person, " Look, you got a little bit too much going on for me....so when you cut back on all that action, then hollah at me."
Focus on being the best partner....not the best robocop! lol....Through my experiences Ive come to find that if a person truly cares about you, they will assure you of such by making you feel secure. If i gotta be inspector gadget, then youre not the one for me. And thats real. But thats just my opinion..let me know what you think.

From cuddy buddy to boo!

So I was talking with a few of my friends the other day and a very interesting discussion occured. One of my girls had been talking to this guy for about 2 years. When I say talking..they were basically friends with benefits...or should I say, cuddy buddies. They had been messing around for some time and it was clearly established at the beginning that he wasn't looking for a relationship. At the time when he stated this, my friend was pretty much in agreeance and felt the same way. Well, just as of two weeks ago he calls her and tells her that he has a girlfriend now. She said that this relationship had come out of nowhere because just a few days before he called her they had sex. She had noticed that as of late he had been acting different by not returning phone calls, coming by during strange hours, and he even put her on his limited profile on facebook (uh oh..lol). She knew that it was more than likely possible that he was talking to someone else, due to the arrangement of their relationship. They weren't "official" so technically he could talk to anyone he wanted to (I guess...lol). I asked her, "If you knew that he was talking to other people, then why is it so surprising that he has a girlfriend?" In summary, she was hurt because two years ago, when they first started sleeping together she remembers him telling her that he wasn't looking for a relationship. Over the two years, she claimed that his actions were saying the same....or at least the actions that he showed HER.
Here is the problem. Women, and some men, start sexual relationships with guys assuming that they are strong enough to handle being in a sex only relationship. Although you SAY you understand that he doesn't want a girlfriend....it hurts even more when you realize that he just doesn't want YOU as a girlfriend and that the only way that you will ever gratify him is sexually. When a relationship is established on sex that's what the premise of the relationship will be. I asked her if him and her ever had any sort of "real" connection or if they have ever had any deep or insightful conversations?...and pillow talk doesn't count. I asked her did she know how many siblings he had, what his religious views were, when his birthday was, and if she even knew what his major/minor was....do you know that she didn't know the answer to any of the above. I am by no means judging her because she wasn't expected to know any of these things due to the nature of relationship that they had. But she cant get mad because another female saw those things more important than just sex. In my opinion you cant expect situations like sexual arrangements, cuddy buddies, or friends with benefits to turn into something more. You cant just have a sexual relationship with a person and expect the guy or girl your dealing with to wake up one morning, roll over and look at you and think," I'm going to make her my girlfriend/boyfriend today." It rarely works that way.
And to my ladies...I cannot stress more...SLEEPING WITH A GUY WILL NOT MAKE HIM WANT TO BE WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!! Thats for my ladies that keep repeatedly sleeping with some cat hoping that by her "givin him the bizness", it will make him wanna become official. NOT AT ALL. Because just as the guy that my friend was talking to, he will find a girl thats giving him "the bizness" on all levels...mentally and physically.
But in conclusion, KNOW YOUR PLACE, WHAT YOU WANT, WHAT YOU NEED, AND WHAT YOU CAN HANDLE!! When you get these things confused, you get hurt. If You want more than sex, then state that CLEARLY, and act accordingly. If you just enjoy having sex with no attachments, then state that CLEARLY, and act accordingly. Stay in your lane, or you will get your feeling hurt.
But That's my opinion....Let me know what you think!

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST!!!!!!!!!

So, I was at the grocery store today and as I was getting out of my car I saw a strikingly handsome man. He was FINE! As he stepped out of his Mercedes Benz (looked to be a 2006) I noticed that he looked really clean, and I checked out his shoes. Why the shoes? Because if a man steps out of a car that nice and looks that good, pay close attention to the shoes. If they are busted, or run over then there is a great likely hood that this isn't his car dues to the fact that there looks to be more miles on his shoes...than the car. Now this is not always the case, and there is more complexity and theory on determining a mans character by the shoes that he wears, however that another blog in itself. HOWEVER, the point is, He's looking all good and and hoping to God that I can get close enough to see his hand....people marry young now days. Ya know...just close enough to give him the eye contact that says, "Its OK to come over and say hello." So he gets out the car and I'm trying to give him "the look", but then something strange happens. He goes around to the other side of the car and opens the door. So I'm like, "Damn! he with his girl!" When he opens the door this God awful, Popped, hideous creature emerges from the car. I'm thinking, "This HAS to be his sister!" Then I started praying, "Father God PLEASE LET THIS BE HIS SISTER....IN THE NAME OF JESUS!!!" And I know that everybody thinking what I'm thinking too...lol. Cuz yall know good and well that it usually is a sibling if he/she is fine and they walking with a creature. Sadly this was not the case. He grabbed her by the hand and walked proudly with this thing...i mean his girl, and was a complete gentleman. He opened every door for her...and every woman walking behind her. So I'm standing there STUCK. So I had to dissect this thing. I had to figure out the logic behind all of this madness! I said to myself, "well maybe shes a really nice educated girl on the inside." Just when I said that she looks at some white lady for bumping into her and says in the loudest, GHETTOEST, I live on 51st and state street and I'm about to pay for his groceries with my link card voice, "DAMN! I SWEAR TO GOD! PEOPLE NEED TO WATCH WHERE THE HELL THEY GOIN!!!" As tries to calm her down (Now i can tell from the way he's talking that he's the educated one) she wont let up. She continues," NAW! HELL NAW....HER ASS SAW ME!"...then she makes it official that she from the projects when the white lady continues to stare at her, obviously scared, and the girl says the line that all ghetto hoes say, "BOO BOOP! IS IT SOMETHIN ON MY FACE? I MEAN DAMN!" So im rolling by now! I thinking that this guy is gonna be embarrassed. He just grabbed hold of her hand and continued to walk in the store. So my idea that the girl may have been beautiful on the inside was ruled out. I left the store confused. All that i could think was, "Life isnt Fair!!" I mean, here is this handsome, sexy, seemingly educated (and he looked to be financially stable...thats a plus!) man with this ghetto zombie! Sadly, this isnt the first time i've seen this! Why do all of the good wholesome guys get with these bucket ass females! It makes you go home and look at yourself in the mirror for about two hours trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with you. It seems that attractive and smart doesn't cut it now days. I think guys are starting to look for women that they dont have to protect because she scaring criminals away, a girl that can open a corona bottle with her teeth, a chick that know how to break into your car when you lock your keys in there, and girl that can take YOU to the shooting range, chicks that carry razor blades in they mouth and dont even take it out when yall eating dinner, a chick whose age is her credit score! I mean DAMN! You wonder what you are doing wrong. You start thinking crazy shit like.."Maybe if I dont get braces he'll call me." lol...why is this people?! There are many possibilities....my first theory is that Maybe this guy has been hurt by the attractive and educated type. Maybe I'd remind him of a girl that he once knew. Maybe he feels that the attractive, educated woman is only focused on that...being attractive and educated; and can't give him the attention that he needs. Shes a bit too independent. She knows that he should feel as if its a blessing to even be with her, so she acts as such. School and work always comes first, and she is never compromising. She may even always NEED some shit. Thats a possibility.
Another possibility is that Ugly, dumb, ghetto chicks dont require much maintenance. Maybe the reason that he was driving that luxury car is because ugly, dumb girls dont mind taking the bus....hence, he saves on gas! She catches the 352 to his crib late a night, cooks him a romantic dinner (Ramen Noodles and sausages, with sauteed onions), they have passionate sex, and because she live on the low ends and gotta be at Walgreen's in the morning for work she gets up to leave. He says, "Babe, you need me to take you?" She says, "Naw! Boy please! You know I got this 30 day bus pass!" Now the both of them are happy. He can get some and go to sleep, and i guess shes happy because...she got a 30 day bus pass?? An attractive, educated woman wouldn't have went! 4am or not your gonna hear it! He doesnt even get a chance to ask her if she need a ride cuz she already starting in on his ass," Dude what the hell you think this is?! You know my car in the shop. You betta get yo ass up and take me home...the fuck!" This Could be a possibility as well.
Both possibilities could be the reason why this fine man was with... the lochness monster. My mind pondered numerous possibilities. Im sure i could talk about this subject all day...but i wanna know what you think. Why do Attractive and overall wholesome individuals date ugly, ghetto ass, scrub ass, popped ass individuals? Whats really good??