TEARING DOWN THE WALLS TO BUILD UP A FENCE...a scary thing.

Hey guys....Its been a min, once again...but I promise imma get used to this frequent blogging thing. I didnt realize how many people actually read them....THANKS FOR THE LOVE. That makes me wanna Blog more. :-)....Today is one of those days where I have ALOT to say.

This is another one from my heart to yours....

Someone once told me, "Sometimes people put walls up. But they are not to keep people out, they are to see who is willing to break them down." When I heard this my first response was, "YES!! EXACTLY!!" But as of late I have contrary feelings about this statement. Its true, sometimes people put up walls as a form of protection. We build walls around our hearts to keep it guarded, to keep it safe from potential heartbreak. We even put up walls around our minds to keep that from being broken. One of my ships once told me the difference between having your heart broken...and having your mind broken. Now although the two may be hard to differentiate, there is a difference. When your heart is broken, it takes an emotional toll on you. You can actually feel a heartbreak in the pit of your stomach (not a good feeling). It almost makes it hard to sleep at night. When your mind is broken, you may feel as if its taking an emotional toll on you, however your mind is simply overly obsessing over the situation at hand. You dont even necessarily have to be in love with, or have an emotional attachment with the individual that breaks your mind. You simply cant stop thinking about the mistreatment or confusing actions in which the person displayed. When your heart is broken, you are more vulnerable a susceptible to forgiveness. But When your mind is broken you have to constantly analyze what went wrong, how it could have went better, and what you will do to prevent it from happening again. I say all of this in support of the fact, and to give examples as to why we build walls.

Although we may build walls with all of the right intentions, we may hinder the progression of potentially great relationships. Sometimes a challenging someone to break your walls down may read as an impossible task. When you build walls so thick that its hard for an individual to even figure out how to see even the smallest part of your inner self, it becomes discouraging and often times a complete turn off. I have been a victim of this before, and I must admit that I still have issues with walls. I think any individual that continues to run into BS will soon put up walls. I can honestly say that I've missed out on great opportunities because of walls. Walls sometimes alleviates the "benefit of the doubt" that most people should be granted. Walls often times make it easier to believe the "he say she say" about individuals in which you are involved with. Walls will have you to believe that everything that a person says to you should either be second guessed, or that they are telling a complete lie. Walls will make you bitter in actuality. A literal wall is made to keep things completely blocked off. It is designed to keep something in, and to keep other things out. We build emotional walls to keep our inner feelings and emotions in, and to keep anyone willing or attempting to see a deeper side of you out.
I've come to realize that you must give people something to work with. This is not to say let your guards down completely, but try building a gate instead of a wall. Gates are strong and they wont allow just anyone in. But A gate will at least allow a person to see a glimpse of whats on the other side, although they cant get to it at the moment. A gate gives the person hope that one day they can get to the other side. I myself am in progress of breaking down my own walls and putting up gates, instead of relying on waiting on someone else to do so. Try figuring out how to start breaking your own walls down in order to reconstruct yourself. Healing starts with yourself. IF YOU DONT HAVE THE PATIENCE, OR THE EQUIPMENT TO BREAK YOUR OWN WALLS DOWN...HOW THE HELL DO YOU EXPECT SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT. Its a very scary thing...but you cant be truly happy until you do so. And this is from my heart to yours....much love! :-)

True love. Myth or Legend?

Im up late....as always. Thinking....as always. I dunno why I cant go into deep thought before 12am. Maybe because my phone doesnt start ringing off the hook until this time of night...or should I say, Morning. lol. I have two monologues and a song to work on....but I need to write. This is another one from my heart to yours....hope you enjoy.

I often find myself straying further and further away from the possibility of love. Once you think you've finally got it all figured out in every aspect of its intricate nature, it changes the game on you. I dont think that no one wants to not believe in love. I think that we are forced to not believe in such a thing because of its ever so inconvenient absence. True love to some, is as God to an unbeliever. The unbeliever doesnt not want to believe, but because of the absence of evidence or lack of presence of this physical being, it becomes hard to exercise faith. Now this is not to say that I dont believe in God...because I love the Lord! I'm just making a comparison. Just as the unbeliever, many people wake up everyday with hopes that the possibility of true love will eventually manifest.
In my personal opinion...I don't believe in true love. Or at least not at this point in my life. I dont believe that there is only one person on this earth that you could possibly live the rest of your life with. I believe that there are at least 50 people in this world that you could potentially meet and spend the rest of your life with. Its all about which one of them you meet first. I guess that person would be considered your truest love?? lol. Or just a very lucky individual. This is not to say that I treat every person in my life as if there are 49 other people that could replace them. Because I dont. You may not ever get the chance to meet the other 49...but that doesnt mean that their not out there. Everyone gets the chance to prove themselves to be the lucky individual, and if they dont, chalk it up and pray that you run into one of the spares. lol. Honestly, I dont think that half of married couples are with their "true love".....I think I just pissed a few people off. lol. True love is a story about two people who were put on this earth just for each other, and who could never be with anyone else but that one special person. They can be put on two different sides of the world and yet they will still find each other through this "magnetic love foce." Kinda like the movie Hancock!!! yeah...just like that. Now even though Will Smith and the Lady were made for each other, and found each other no matter what....she still found happiness with her husband (the not so attractive average guy). Now I may be missing a few details, but you get the point. I think that even in the midst of getting to that "true love" there is a possibility that you will find someone else who makes you just as content, and happy.
True Love would have to prove me wrong. But I personally feel that its a waste of time searching for that one individual in which you believe is created exclusively for you. But thats just may be my opinion. I may sound like the Grinch that killed true love, but im speaking the truth of the matter. Or at least what I feel and observed to be true. But thats just my opinion, let me know what you think.....:-)

They Dont Make Em' Like They Used To!! Is Chivalry Dead??

ITS BEEN A LOOONG TIME COMMING!! SORRY THAT ITS BEEN SO LONG SINCE I POSTED MY LAST BLOG! Been sooo Busy, But trust we have much to catch up on!

Question of the Day! Is Chivalry dead??....Answer: It seems so! In my honest opinion it seems as if we need to all get together and have a damn funeral for Chivalry, because it seems to be rather scarce these days. Somebody probably reading this asking, "what is Chivalry?"....and I know somebody asking, cuz they are literally asking me right now on the phone as I type. lol. I should put you out there! But for those that may not be familiar with the term (slow folks)....

Chivalry: is a term related to the medieval institution of knighthood. It is usually associated with ideals of knightly virtues, honor and courtly love. The word is derived from the French word "chevalerie", itself derived from "chevalier", which means knight, derived from "cheval", horse (indicating one who rides a horse)....now thats from wikipedia, so you may need to check that source! lol.
But Today, the terms chivalry and chivalrous are used to describe courteous behavior, especially that of men towards women; such as opening doors, pulling out chairs, walking a woman to her door at night to make sure she got in the crib safe, taking out the garbage, buying her a pair of stilettos every now and then.... (Ok... think i may have added that last one), but you get the picture.
I am confused as to why these things dont happen anymore?! I hate it when one of my silly ass friends call me (you know I love ya'll) talkin bout, "I think I like him alot!" I reply, "Why, my silly ass friend?" the silly ass friend replies, "Because he so sweet! He be opening doors for me, and when he asked me out, he didnt make me pay!"....WTH!! THATS WHAT THEY SUPPOSE TO DO!! Women give men bonus points for stuff that they should be doing by nature, and things that their mother or grandmother should have taught them from the get go. Im not saying that a man has to go to extremes like throwing his jacket over a puddle of water, or slicing her steak into small pieces to prevent her from doing manual labor when out to dinner, but its the basic things that lack now days. Why dont men do the simple things like, walk his date to the door to make sure she gets in without being raped, Not expect a woman to pay for the date if you're the one that asked her out, Open doors (including car doors), Dont make her sit in a cold ass car with you in sub zero winter weather until it heats up (now brothas done got smart with the automatic starters! lol..), Pull the car around if you guys are parked across the world, etc...
All of the above are simple things! Maybe i feel this way because of how my dad treated me growing up....and I consider him to be a real man. But they dont make em' like they use to!

(Playing Devils advocate) Why men dont do these things? Answer: Because women dont know how the hell to act when they do them. I hate it when a silly ass friend says, "I dont really like him.....he too nice." What the hell is too nice?!?! ......and women ya'll know ya'll be sayin dumb ish like that!! Straight pissin me off!! lol. I dunno about my silly ass friends....but i like nice men.... It sure beats being with Ike Turner. A man walks you to the door late at night and you grabbin for your mace like he's the one who's gonna attack you!.......i know...cuz i done did it b4! lol!!!...it caught me off guard tho! We pull up to my crib and i get out and start walking to my door. He parks and takes his keys out the ignition and starts walking behind me. Because it was so out of the ordinary I had to stop and say, "Where the hell you think you goin?".....after looking at me like i was retarded he explained that he was simply walking me to my door because my porch light wasn't on. I felt kinda dumb. But i mean, why he have to take the keys out the ignition?? He could have kept the car running...that was kinda suspect...im just sayin! ( lowkey, I still think he thought his ass was about to come in....I have no way to prove it tho. lol)
In addition to women not knowing how to react to such actions, men also feel as if certain women don't deserve such treatment. I have a brother....I see some of the hoochies he kick it with....this is understandable. lol. You are treated the way you allow people to treat you. If you dont seem as if you require much, then you wont get much in return. However, I still feel that no matter how a woman Carry's herself, she should still be treated like a woman.

In Conclusion, Is Chivalry dead? If so, can it be resurrected? Let me know what you think!

Protect your investment?? or Protect your heart....

This blog is dedicated to a good friend of mines...hope you read this and find the strength to Keep it movin'.....


Why is it so hard to let go? Why is enough, never truly enough? Why do we continue to put our feelings on an emotional chopping block? Why do we continue to work for something that will never be?....If the answers to these questions were cut clear and to the point then we all would live happily ever after. Sadly, they are not, so we are left to find the best answers to these problems.
Humans are emotional beings. God created us to live for love in order to survive. Weather you choose to admit it or not, we all want companionship. We will fully invest our time and emotions in this pursuit of love. Once you have made this investment, you will do whatever you have to do to maintain it. You look at a person in a dysfunctional relationship and you ask, "Why does he/she continue to stay in this F'd up relationship?" The answer to this is simple. No one likes to feel as if they've wasted their time. When you've been in a relationship or even "talking" to someone for a while, its hard to give up on the situation when you feel as if you've invested so much time and energy into it. History makes people stay. History makes people feel as if they are obligated to endure disrespect, mistreatment, and even unhealthy situations. History also makes you capable and willing to put up with things that you wouldn't normally put up with. In your eyes, you have loved this person, fought with this person, and worked hard to maintain the situation in which you and this person has, so by no means will you let it go easily. Even if its not on a "love" level, you may have dedicated time (moments you could have been sleep, you were up either talking or texting this person), energy ( You may have went out of your way to do a few things for this person), and even money (Dates, lending money, gifts, gas money to go and visit he/she). All of these things are personal and emotional investments you made, and no one likes to see their investment go bad. These things create an attachment or bond between you and this individual that makes it hard for you to part ways with them.
Its also hard to let go when you've made sacrifices. When you sacrifice parts of yourself, when you've sacrificed your inner thoughts, when you've sacrificed your deepest secrets, when you've sacrificed parts of yourself that you wouldn't normally share with anyone, it makes it hard to let go. This is because you are not only letting this person go, but you are letting parts of yourself go as well.
I'll tell a personal story, since i like to use everybody else business as an example...lol...Some time ago I was dating this guy....I hate showing emotions because it makes me feel weak. I am the type that will keep up a wall by any means necessary because It takes ALOT for me to put myself out there like that. I was dating this guy for A WHILE and we fell out about something and he was pretty much ready to leave me the hell alone. So i revealed something about myself that I would NEVER tell anybody. I told him this because i felt that it was the root to this problem that we were having. After I told him this, i felt real weak, but I also felt closer to him. I had invested a HUGE part of myself in him, and he appreciated it because he could now understand the reason why i acted certain ways. After this I felt even more invested and I grew to like him even more, and i eventually let my wall down. Things eventually turned for the worse. He started cutting up! and like a dummy i stayed with my investment. I was THAT girl. People would ask, "why do you put up with that??" At the time i didn't know, all i knew is that I wanted to make it work. I wanted us to be happy.
I now realize that protecting your heart is WAAAAAAAY more crucial then protecting your investment. Protecting your integrity is SOOOOOO much more important than protecting your investment. Protecting your sanity is ALOT more important than protecting your investment. You can invest your all in a person, but at the end of the day if you have nothing for yourself it is so not worth it. You invest in a person with hopes that you will gain an increase. You may feel as if you will loose a lot by letting a person go, but i PROMISE you will gain even more by letting them go. We forget that life goes on. Take some time to restore yourself and gain everything that you've given back.
This is why you hear women pissed when its all said and done (busting windows out of cars, cutting people, burning clothes), because by nature we give, and we give big. There are no lengths that a women wont go through to make sure that a brother is held down. Ladies we all know, your man cant be out there bogus because they're representing you. When your man is looking and feeling good then you look and feel good as well. And i can personally say that there are some brothers out there like that as well. But when you do all of the above, its hard to let go. Or when and if you let go, it gonna be an epic event.
But as i said before, no investment is worth pain. It may be easier said than done, but you gotta keep it moving. Pick up what you have left and take time to regain what was lost. Never go looking for a rebound, or someone to give what he/she didn't get the chance to get, but go and regroup. You may even find someone who is willing to give you everything you gave that other person. And this blog is from my heart....hope this helps my friend, and everyone else tuning in. Let me know what you think!

DONT YOU- EVER- GET TOO- COMFORTABLE!

So...im up and cant go to sleep...so why not blog....right? lol. One of my co-workers told me that her and her bf had broken up today due to the fact that he just wasnt, "acting the same." So they've been official for a few months now and she claims that he just isnt doing the same things that he used to do. When they first started talking it seemed as if he showed much more of an interest in her, now it seems as if he shows an interest at his leisure. She used to get calls from him throughout the day, he would send her random cute little text messages to let her know he was thinking about her, and he would take her out frequently. However, as of late he has done a total 180. He'll go an entire day without contacting her in any way, and when he does, the conversations are brief or he says that hes getting some things together for work so he'll call her back. She went on to tell me that he even stopped doing things like opening car doors, and the other day when they went to the movies he walked in before her and let the door snap back and hit her in the chest....wow....lol. I asked her if she did anything to make him act this way or if his actions were intentional. She said no and that when she confronts him, he apologizes whole heartedly and has no recollection of doing these things.
Three words describe this situation....COMFORTABLE AS HELL! This doesn't just go for guys...although men have the greatest reputation for being such....but it goes for women as well. People get COMFORTABLE...plain and simple. At the beginning of any relationship, the person who is pursuing will always bring their "A Game." It is important to do all the things you should do, or need to do by any means necessary to get what you want, weather its a relationship, a kick it buddy, or just sex. Men in particular, as we all know, love the chase. And women, as we all know love to be chased. Once you have given the chase over to the chaser, the chasee has lost all power and the chaser will potentially loose interest. UNLESS....you find another game to play on another level. NOW...you may say, "Im not for playing games!"....well my lonely friend, wake up and realize that relationships are all about "games" and keeping some sort of game present in the relationship. In the olden days, the role of the chaser was indeed the man....and the role of the chasee was indeed the woman. However, somehow, someway the game has changed. Men must have had a national convention that us women didnt know about, to change the playing field. ATTENTION!! ATTENTION!!! LADIES!!!! MEN FOR SOME ODD REASON....LIKE TO BE CHASED!!!! I know...thats friggin weird, right??? However, as I told my heartbroken co-worker...its up to you to determine if you're gonna be the chaser...or the chasee.
People don't get comfortable when they have something to work for. There is no time to put your "A-Game" on the back burner when someone is always giving you something to pursue. My fellow relaxed co-worker got comfortable as well on her chasee game...which has cause the tables to turn, hence she is now the Chaser. It all depends on what role you wanna play. People get COMFORTABLE when they aren't active. Raise the stakes just a bit more to get the other person active; getting them out of that comfort zone. If that doesn't work, then maybe that person just isn't that into you. If you think the person you're with is COMFORTABLE...then ask yourself how you've contributed to this comfort level....and plan/act accordingly. You can either continue to play the game and love em...or leave em alone. I'll `leave you with a quote from Lil Wayne and my boy Face..."I'm not saying this to shake you up, im just saying this to wake you up. Its all good when we making love, all I ask is dont take our love for granted, cuz granted...my love for you is real. if you dont love me somebody else will, so baby girl/boy dont you ever get too COMFORTABLE."....And thats real.

Are you Paranoid, Crazy, or Justified???!..(for the professional ROBOCOPS)

So, todays issue has been long past due!! Why do we spend so much time and energy trying to catch up the person that we "messing with", your boyfriend/girlfriend, or even someone that you are just dating or talking to. I know either you have called someone or have gotten a call like this..." Hey. so did you go to the party tonight?? What time did_____ leave?? Did you see____ leave with ___??? Did it look like he/she was driving north or south on main street??? Cuz he/she live south and if he/she was driving North then imma be pissed!!!!" You ask about a million questions and no matter what answers you get you still have made up in your mind that this person is lying. You do things like wait until the person goes to the bathroom, or even sleep so that you can hurry up and browse through those text messages and call history. Now the call history is cool...unless its a female/males name and the call time is more than 8 mins...when you talkin for 10, it becomes a bit suspect..lol. And dont let the inbox messages be full, but there isnt any outbox messages...uh oh. then you get, "what the hell did you say to him/her that you couldnt keep in you're phone?" You come over the crib and start acting like Sherlock Holmes making sure that his/her sheets look regular and clean...but not too clean, cuz if they new sheets or been washed you start to wonder why?? lol...( I'm about to push a few peoples buttons here..) You do the garbage can inspection!!...lol.....the one where you're looking for too many condom wrappers..."Girl! we only used 2...why the hell was it 5 in his trash can!" lol....Or you fellahs start looking for clothes and hats that aint yours. You know if you see stuff like fitted caps, stud earrings, basket ball shorts, or wife beaters randomly in your girl wardrob that alarm goes off in your head...especially if it wasnt there the last time you was there.....(now....ive been a victim of this....got snapped because the dummy forgot I had a brother! lol....negro still aint believe me! I hope you reading this too you jerk!! ) ...whooo saaaaa...lol
But i give these scenerios to say that either you are paranoid, trippin, or your girl/guy aint shit and you need to realize it. I'll give my top reasons for why people act like this. # 1....you are crazy! Some people are just paranoid and think that everybody that they dealing with is out to be on some dog/unfaithful type stuff. You convince yourself that things are there that really arent there. You may have failed to realize that men dont take their trash out as often...so maybe all of those condom wrappers were ones that you guys used. He/she may have deleted their outbox because they send more outgoing messages than they recieve messages (honestly in my opinion, the outbox thing... is crap..lol...but maybe.), but due to the fact that every person before you was on dummy...you have your gaurds up expecting to catch this new person before they even have a chance to "play" you or "hurt" you.
#2....You have a voice inside you that is telling you that this person is no good...and you need to listen to it. If you are with someone and for some reason you always have a feeling like something is going on and its not due to the reasons listed in #1...then you need to follow those feelings. If you can never sleep when this person is over because their phone keeps ringing all night, or your waiting for the perfect opprotunity to snag their phone, then you dont need to be sleeping next to this person. Why waste energy trying to find things or catch this person up...when you already know the answers in your heart. Often times, God will give you an answer before you even have the chance to find it. Its ok to tell a person, " Look, you got a little bit too much going on for me....so when you cut back on all that action, then hollah at me."
Focus on being the best partner....not the best robocop! lol....Through my experiences Ive come to find that if a person truly cares about you, they will assure you of such by making you feel secure. If i gotta be inspector gadget, then youre not the one for me. And thats real. But thats just my opinion..let me know what you think.

From cuddy buddy to boo!

So I was talking with a few of my friends the other day and a very interesting discussion occured. One of my girls had been talking to this guy for about 2 years. When I say talking..they were basically friends with benefits...or should I say, cuddy buddies. They had been messing around for some time and it was clearly established at the beginning that he wasn't looking for a relationship. At the time when he stated this, my friend was pretty much in agreeance and felt the same way. Well, just as of two weeks ago he calls her and tells her that he has a girlfriend now. She said that this relationship had come out of nowhere because just a few days before he called her they had sex. She had noticed that as of late he had been acting different by not returning phone calls, coming by during strange hours, and he even put her on his limited profile on facebook (uh oh..lol). She knew that it was more than likely possible that he was talking to someone else, due to the arrangement of their relationship. They weren't "official" so technically he could talk to anyone he wanted to (I guess...lol). I asked her, "If you knew that he was talking to other people, then why is it so surprising that he has a girlfriend?" In summary, she was hurt because two years ago, when they first started sleeping together she remembers him telling her that he wasn't looking for a relationship. Over the two years, she claimed that his actions were saying the same....or at least the actions that he showed HER.
Here is the problem. Women, and some men, start sexual relationships with guys assuming that they are strong enough to handle being in a sex only relationship. Although you SAY you understand that he doesn't want a girlfriend....it hurts even more when you realize that he just doesn't want YOU as a girlfriend and that the only way that you will ever gratify him is sexually. When a relationship is established on sex that's what the premise of the relationship will be. I asked her if him and her ever had any sort of "real" connection or if they have ever had any deep or insightful conversations?...and pillow talk doesn't count. I asked her did she know how many siblings he had, what his religious views were, when his birthday was, and if she even knew what his major/minor was....do you know that she didn't know the answer to any of the above. I am by no means judging her because she wasn't expected to know any of these things due to the nature of relationship that they had. But she cant get mad because another female saw those things more important than just sex. In my opinion you cant expect situations like sexual arrangements, cuddy buddies, or friends with benefits to turn into something more. You cant just have a sexual relationship with a person and expect the guy or girl your dealing with to wake up one morning, roll over and look at you and think," I'm going to make her my girlfriend/boyfriend today." It rarely works that way.
And to my ladies...I cannot stress more...SLEEPING WITH A GUY WILL NOT MAKE HIM WANT TO BE WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!! Thats for my ladies that keep repeatedly sleeping with some cat hoping that by her "givin him the bizness", it will make him wanna become official. NOT AT ALL. Because just as the guy that my friend was talking to, he will find a girl thats giving him "the bizness" on all levels...mentally and physically.
But in conclusion, KNOW YOUR PLACE, WHAT YOU WANT, WHAT YOU NEED, AND WHAT YOU CAN HANDLE!! When you get these things confused, you get hurt. If You want more than sex, then state that CLEARLY, and act accordingly. If you just enjoy having sex with no attachments, then state that CLEARLY, and act accordingly. Stay in your lane, or you will get your feeling hurt.
But That's my opinion....Let me know what you think!